Funny when you think getting on an airplane and killing your fear of that would be the event of the day, and then life kicks you right in the ass upon arrival.
Our realities used to hit me the second I opened my eyes. Each and every single morning. It’s gone. I sometimes remember what is when stopping before the first red light of the day. Sometimes when coffee finally wakes up. Or when I embrace the sunshine and the traffic below, from high above, trying to keep my eyes from searching, hoping and dreaming. They won’t! Even if my mind does, even if our realities are put down by my own, or yours. It’s visceral, more real than waking up. Skin looking for touch, eyes for sight, nose for smell and a heartbeat.
Milestones
20 Minutes Blood pressure drops to a level close to that before the last cigarette.
Temperature of hands and feet increases to normal. 8 hours Carbon monoxide level in blood drops to normal.
Oxygen level in blood increases to normal. 24 Hours Chance of heart attack decreases. 48 Hours Nerve endings in the mouth and nose start to re-grow.
Ability to taste and smell improves. 72 Hours Bronchial tubes relax, making breathing easier.
Lung capacity increases. 2 weeks to 3 months Circulation improves.
Walking becomes easier.
Lung function increases up to 30%. 1 to 9 Months Coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue, shortness of breath decrease.
Cilia regain normal function in lungs, increasing ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, reduce infection.
Body’s overall energy level increases. 1 year Excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker’s. 10 years Lung cancer death rate is half that of a continuing smoker’s.
Risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidneys, and pancreas decreases. 15 years Risk of coronary heart disease is that of a nonsmoker’s.
(Source: American Cancer Society)
For a remotely close memory of you two and us four. To know that you can pop up at the front door at any time of the day. You would recognize me if you saw me driving by. For that insecurity of ours. For Fridays to be as surprising as they once used to be. For Sunday evenings to pile up enough energy to last me the whole week. That nights weren’t so predictable anymore. For all these things that I should have forgotten already. That you won’t. That I never. Forget.
Because, because, because, I’m the wonderful wizard of Oz!
Vomit. First you gotta vomit all the bad and all the good together. Verbally or physically. Just don’t refrain that instinct that wakes you up at four in the morning and feels like it will never let you sleep again. Just puke it all out and don’t even try to figure where it goes.
Then it’s sucking it all up again, let it hit you fiercely and keep standing. If you fall, stand up and try resisting the next wave. Do it now, while you can vomit, while you have a reason, while it doesn’t matter how powerful it is because you’re already down.
But when you finally have everything under your feet and it doesn’t move a hair of your body anymore, you are free. Free to feel, taste, try and think. Free to go wherever you want to, free to do whatever. You can choose life, choose yourself, choose the other. Redesign and change.
